Focus

Choosing to breathe

This basic technique has been tested many times over the decades. This is what has helped me get focused during hardship. I wished I could say it is automatic. It is a discipline that requires continual practice. 

For ten years I taught adults who had educational difficulties which was often accompanied by stifling anxiety due to a pattern of repeated failures. To make progress, we first had to reign in the anxiety that stifled the mind. What worked best for me was first of all, affirmation. Turning the thoughts to accomplishments made in the past. Sometimes this was academic success. Often it started by discussing a difficult season of life and how the student survived. I mean recalling concrete steps taken. Then together we would isolate a step or two to help the student forge the path ahead. Once they saw the possibility they could accomplish “this hard thing” the issue was as simple as executing the plan. 

I have learned that looking at the problem makes it seem insurmountable. But if I can look at it in steps, small goals or tasks, I can begin to be in control of my response to a situation. Often this means I must pause the emotion to find clarity. 

A few years ago I had a friend die unexpectedly. As their health began to cascade dramatically, I was praying for the family and her. Then death came. Hearts were stunned, loss felt, tears shed. I sobbed openly and uncontrollably for a moment. Then I deliberately changed the conversation in my heart from, “Oh no! This is devastating,” To “How can I help? What would be needed going forward? What would comfort?”

Image shot at Aro Ha

I had made a practice for decades of making this switch. It had served me well. I always make time to sit with my feelings but it doesn’t always happen immediately, but it does happen. Sometimes one has to take action. I once heard Christian writer, Elizabeth Elliott, say that when you don’t know what to do, just do the next thing. That simple act pulls me forward. It calms me. It’s positive and proactive. It’s something I have control over when life’s circumstances are beyond my control. It’s praying but with action. Is childcare needed? Transportation needed? Does someone need our guest room? Can I provide food? When would be appropriate to visit privately? Can I assist with notifications of the death? Does the family need help cleaning up the home so they can receive visitors? I pray and then I ask. 

Much of these questions apply with hospitalizations as well. Even cash for parking fees and gas. A basket of things to eat or even share in the waiting room (note: Use sealed individual items as most facilities refuse homemade items. Peanuts, crackers, small bottles of water, etc.)

1.) I say (out loud) to myself, “I choose to hope in the Lord. He knows where I am. He has a plan I cannot see.  He will not desert me.”

2.) I call to mind something from my past when God stepped into the chaos and exceeded my hopes and prayers.

3.) I remind myself that I can’t predict, control, or live in the future. I breathe deeply and exhale slowly. I repeat. Sometimes I verbalize what I call breath prayers. 

   A.) So I breath in slowly saying “Jesus”, exhale slowly saying “Healer”.

B.) So I breath in slowly saying “Jesus”, exhale slowly saying “Provider”.

C.) So I breathe in slowly saying “Emmanuel”, exhale slowly saying “He is here”.

There is no magic in the words except that it focuses my thoughts on the Lord. When I can move my thoughts to what I know to be true by experience then I calm the anxiety of looking at the unknown future.