Loving Through Food

Love has many expressions. 

The salve of food to the heart that is grieving is definitely a beautiful Southern tradition. As soon as you hear of a death you start to think of food. Pound cake, potato salad, deli trays, gallons of sweet tea. Our family endured three years of heavy loss. With every death I recall particular food. 

When my brother was on his last leg of his earthly journey, the rest of the family stood watch providing any thing needed. Every day the mail lady would ask. One day he was on the porch and she paused to greet him. It was obvious they had shared moments over the mailbox. The day before he died, she brought a deli tray, simple and small to offer her condolences. Even now it brings me tears to think of a near stranger reaching out to console a suffering family. 

I have a friend who for years has shown up for grieving families with a unique gift. Ann, brings a basket, tub, or some type of large container filled with paper supplies, cups, plates, napkins, paper towels, toilet paper, tissues. Always a little different, always needed. She tops this gracious gift with something unique, fresh ground coffee, tea bags, etc. She coordinates the colors and it truly is a gift from the heart. When my mother passed, we received the paper gifts as well as a homemade butter pecan cake! Ann’s mother was known for the cake and it as truly memorable. 

I have another friend that can throw down in the kitchen. With every loss we endured, Bonnie was the first person to knock on our door. Often she brings a dessert along with Subway trays, pizza, deli trays, casseroles. We have laughed over the years that we should try meeting up when there was no death or tragedy.

Another friend coordinated a large meal on the day we held my sister’s visitation. It was an unexpected death and Susan must have spent a whole day organizing a meal to feed our large family. All of us felt embraced with every bite. 

Loving through food is for real. I now have what I call my funeral closet. Filled with containers that don’t need to be returned. I keep something in my freezer or cabinets that can be used in a moment so I can avoid having to run to the store. I highly recommend you do what you can.

Simple is good. It’s the effort and the hugs that matter to most.