Everyone Experiences Grief
Such as is common to man…
To be honest, it seems to me the most common emotion experienced on earth is grief. I know we all yearn for love and acceptance but everyone experiences grief. If you haven’t suffered the loss of something you treasure, in time you will. It is the great equalizer, more than intelligence, prosperity, dreams or achievements, grief cuts to the core of our very identity.
Does that sound pessimistic? I hope not because the truth is we value things differently once we have had a face-to-face encounter with grief. Throughout life grief continues to teach and expand us. Joy takes on new dimensions because we know what it is to be joyless. Relationships are savored because we know they will one day end. Laughter is higher pitched because we know the guttural sound of sobbing. We have known both light and darkness. We relish life because we have learned most of life is temporal at best, and our hearts yearn for the eternal. We want stability, surety but life doesn’t offer such. Change is constant and often painful.
My family suffered three years of devastating losses due death. We learned to hug tighter and let go of silly squabbling so common in families. We lost a cherished cousin in March, my sister in June, my brother 10 weeks later in August, right after another young vibrant cousin died due to cancer. We immediately followed that year with the death of a beloved aunt and two days later an uncle, as well as cousin’s young husband. Then my sister’s husband (sister who had died) and my Mother passed away. At the same time my sister was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, stage 4, and her almost five year battle began as did another cousin’s fight with pancreatic cancer. It seemed a dark cloud had settled down on our family at every turn. We became professional funeral planners and attenders.
A few things I learned in this long darkness has continued to inform my life’s journey.
When someone dies, the loss is experienced and expressed individually by those who mourn.
It is impossible to compare grief or the impact of death.
When death occurs there is always the possibility, even probability, of having your feelings hurt.
Talk is best before death, rather than the quagmire, without cherished wishes or a roadmap.
There are precious treasures buried in plain sight if we look for them in times of grief.
Once we learn what comforts us (and what didn’t) we are equipped to comfort others.
Loss creates hope or despair and most often both, even at the same time.
Loss solidifies what we believe and can motivate a deep dive into the ‘why’s’ of life
Since more than a third of Psalms are prayers of lamenting and almost every major Bible character has a moment of sorrow, we can certainly look to Scripture for expression when we don’t have words and directions when we question what comes next.
Simply because grief, loss, and regret are part of the human experience I will be posting my thoughts here in this section. Please share your story with me if you are comfortable doing so.
“And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness—secret riches. I will do this so you may know I am the Lord, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name. ”